MY PAGAN JOURNEY
My experience of being Pagan has been like many people’s experience of being gay – it was not something I decided to become; it was what I came to realise I was.
My first memory of any spiritual thought was in primary school when a teacher answered a question about a picture depicting Hindu culture. She said “they believe in all sorts of silly things like a God with an elephant’s head. But we know ours is the One True God, don’t we?” And I thought ‘do we?’ I imagined the little boy in the picture leading a good and kind life and then getting to the pearly gates. Would he be turned away? If I lived a good life and tried to help people then, when I died, there was the elephant-headed God saying “you didn’t believe in me. You can go to Hell.”
So, I decided to follow/create my own path. Or so I thought.
After some years of caring about the natural Environment, trying to minimise the harm I caused it and discovering that the power of thought can affect the physical environment; I made a very liberating discovery. I was an undergraduate by now and saw some fellow students wearing ‘Pagans Against Nukes’ badges. Of course, I had already come across the word ‘Pagan’ and realised that it did not simply mean non-Christian. It seemed to describe how I felt about my relationship to the World I inhabit. But I had assumed I was just being weird, doing my own daft thing. (My family had always encouraged me to see myself that way) Now, it seemed that there were others who shared my spiritual leanings. I made contact and they taught me about the Wheel of the Year.
After graduation, I took a gap year in Australia and had (what I think is called) an epiphany in the Blue Mountains. I was standing naked, all alone save for my travelling companion, who was tending the camp fire where water was boiling for us to wash in. I felt the Sun on my skin; I saw the blue mist (that gives the area its name) rising from the deep green trees which grew out of mustard-coloured sand; I smelt the eucalyptus; I heard the birds singing. And I knew, in that moment, that whatever my life held in store; whatever direction my human relationships took, I would always have The Goddess. However anyone else wanted to see/define me; I knew who I was.
It was a while before I discovered the PF & became a member, eventually serving for a while as LC for Sheffield. The PF moot in Sheffield morphed into Pagan Pathways and I found their shared celebrations and talks uplifting and deeply satisfying.
Now that I live in North Yorkshire, my Pagan practice is changing. I’m still finding my new spiritual feet.